Alive Again
by XDracoMalfoysGirlX
Summary: With her son and husband in Azkaban Narcissa Malfoy's life has gone down hill and is on hold until her son is home. A chance encounter with Harry however leads her to realise that "Heaven's not a place where you go when you die. It's that moment in life where you actually feel alive."


Alive Again

Narcissa Malfoy sighed softy as she wandered aimlessly around the large, sprawling, Malfoy Manor in Surrey. It was way too big for her alone, but she was alone, she was always alone, she had been alone for three years but she still wasn't quite used to it.

The Manor was still dark, grand in decoration but dark and foreboding, especially at night. It wasn't night now, it was mid-afternoon, the sun was strong shining through the perfectly clean windows; but somehow the strength of the sun did not warm the house as it should, and it did not cheer Narcissa as it used to when she was a girl.

Her heels clacked loudly on the marble stair case as Narcissa made her way from the second floor down to the first floor, the noise echoed down the dim corridors, bouncing off the walls reminding her that she, Narcissa Malfoy was well and truly alone.

The many friends she had gathered over the years had deserted her after the fall of the Dark Lord. The Dark Lord! Narcissa scowled at the mere thought of him. How she hated him, how she had rejoiced in his death only to find herself wishing for his life again. He was the pinnacle for everything that was wrong with her once perfect life. He had destroyed her world and left her broken.

It was through him that she had lost her most precious possession, her son Draco; her baby, her little dragon, her one, sole reason for living. He was with his father, her husband, her rock, her Lucius. They had been taken from her; she'd had to sit and watch as her baby was ripped from her life and sent along with his father to Azkaban.

A chill ran down her spine as she thought about it, her little boy in Azkaban. True he had not been issued with a life sentence as Lucius had, society had learnt their lesson where her darling husband was concerned; but they had still felt Draco needed to be punished, he had been given five years.

Three of them were over and Narcissa counted the days until she was reunited with her son. A part of her didn't want to see Draco again, she knew he would be an entirely different person when he returned home to the one who had left. But after being alone for so long perhaps she wouldn't mind.

Sighing again Narcissa entered the kitchen to pick up the large bouquet of white roses that sat waiting for her. She was going out today, she went out once a month to visit her sister Bellatrix.

Bellatrix wasn't the type of sister who could offer her a cup of tea and some sympathy for her plight, really, Bellatrix had caused a lot of her plight, but Narcissa felt she could forgive that; she could forgive her big sister because she was gone now. Bellatrix had been killed just before the Dark Lord fell and in a way Narcissa was glad of it. She didn't think Bellatrix would have coped seeing her Lord and Master fall for a second time.

Pulling her shawl loosely over her slim shoulders Narcissa turned and headed for the front door. She stepped outside into the warm summer air and breathed deeply the scent of the flowers in the neatly tended gardens of the Manor. When she came back from visiting Bellatrix she would go and sit in the rose arbour this afternoon and read a book.

It was a nice day, although the appreciation of the simple beauty of such a thing had long since left Narcissa, she no longer enjoyed life, she no longer had a life to live. She had retreated away from the looks, insults and whispers of society and hidden away in the Manor by herself. Preferring at first to be away from people, to deal with her grief alone and try to figure out some way of getting through the day to day living without the men in her life.

Things had not worked out according to Narcissa's plans. By the time she had come to accept the fact that she was going to be alone, at least for the next five years until her Draco came home she found that society had moved on without her, her friends had cast her out from among them and she was left with nothing except the wealth that Lucius had horded and built up priding himself on having so much of it.

Wealth meant little to Narcissa, it never really had, but then she had always had it. Perhaps it was because she always had it that she could see that it didn't make you as happy as you thought it would.

Sighing again she pictured her sister's grave and felt the familiar sensation of being squeezed through a tube before she was sucked through the air.

She landed with a small pop just in front of the large, black marble gravestone with gold lettering stating that Bellatrix Black LeStrange rested in peace beneath the soft earth.

Smiling softly Narcissa knelt at her sister's gravestone and ran her slender, elegant hand over the smooth, cool stone.

"Hello Bella. I've brought you some nice fresh flowers." She scooped the old, dead roses from the pot and set about arranging the new bouquet she had brought with her. "It's funny how visiting you makes me feel so peaceful and you were anything but peaceful weren't you?" Narcissa chuckled as her mind wandered backwards towards the days when the three Black sisters were young and played together always having fun.

"Things change I guess don't they, Bella? You're all I have at the moment, the only person who has kept me going over the last three years and you're not even here." Sadly Narcissa wiped a lone tear from her cheek; she would not start crying again, not now. If she allowed herself to cry her release she would never get up off her knees and Bellatrix wouldn't think much of her for that.

She lifted her black, silk shawl to cover her head of blonde hair from the sun, she hadn't thought to bring her hat with her and if she continued to kneel beneath the glare of the sun she would have a headache later on. The pale skin of her hand looked ghastly white next to the black dress she wore when she rested it on her knee.

She frowned at the stark contrast of colours, she had always been pale, always had beautiful fair skin but there had been a time when her wardrobe had been a mass of bright, gay colours. Now she wore black continually, it suited her mood. She had of course started wearing it as a sign of mourning for her sister but then Lucius and Draco had been taken from her and she and just continued to wear it, she had been wearing black for almost three years.

"Maybe it's about time I found a darker colour to mourn for myself, Bell," she commented vaguely, shifting slightly on the spot to stop the ache in her knees.

XxXX

The young boy stood in the shade of the trees watching the bowed back of the woman tending the grave. He knew whose grave it was, knew who the woman was and her soft voice carried through the silence of the graveyard as he stood and surveyed her while she spoke to her sister.

A wave of pity washed over him for the woman who had once had everything. She was left alone now and she clearly had no idea how to even begin to cope with the curve that life had thrown her. He had tried to help, he had been the one to get Draco's sentence reduced from seven years, but he couldn't have kept him out of Azkaban.

Frowning a little he wondered how different things would have been if it hadn't been for her. If she hadn't have lied for him. It was because of her, for what she did that he had fought for Draco, she didn't deserve to be punished in this way, he knew the strength of a mothers love didn't he? Narcissa was no different to his own mother; Narcissa Malfoy had put her life on the line to try to save her son as his Lily Potter had done for him.

He watched as she stood up rubbing at her knees and stretching out her back. Her shawl slipped from her head and her long hair shone white in the sun, if she had been wearing white rather than black he would have been forgiven for thinking he was staring at an angel.

Slowly he moved from his position in the shade of the trees and crossed the long grass towards her. "Hello, Mrs Malfoy."

Narcissa jumped clearly startled that someone was speaking to her. Turning her head her eyes widened slightly at the sight of him. "Well, if it isn't Mr Potter."

Harry shifted on his toes, "You're looking well," he commented lamely.

She gave him a half a smile. "You're a liar," she replied easily.

Harry grinned at her. "Visiting Bellatrix?"

"Yes, there's no-one else to do it. No-one would even think to do it, but she's still my sister."

"Yes she is," Harry agreed softly. "Remus and Tonks are over there," he gestured with his hand. "I'm godfather to their son Teddy, so I've been visiting them."

Narcissa followed the line of his arm with her eyes feeling a prickle of guilt that she didn't think to go and visit the grave of her niece. She fobbed herself off with the excuse that Harry was there to do it whereas Bellatrix had no-one besides her.

"How are you, Mrs Malfoy?" Harry wondered quietly, not sure if he was overstepping the mark enquiring after her this way. He knew of her situation and didn't want her to think he was trying to pry into her life.

Narcissa was rather taken aback by the simple question. It had been so long since anyone had enquired after her. There was no-one around to wonder about her, to worry if she was alright and if she was coping. But here was Harry Potter standing there as real as could be and talking to her as though he did it every day.

"I'm fine, I get by as always. And what are you doing these days?"

Harry shrugged, "Not a lot, there's not a lot of call for aurors these days, but I'm working at the Ministry."

"You did become an auror then? I always assumed you would." Narcissa suddenly didn't want Harry to go, she wanted him to stay and talk to her for as long as she could keep him there. He was a breath of fresh air in her otherwise stale and repetitive life and she had yearned for some company for so long that she didn't want to give him up just yet.

Harry nodded. "Yes, it's the only job I ever wanted to do. Nothing else really appealed to me. So, what do you get up to these days? Travelling are you?"

She smiled warmly at him, he was a nice boy really. He knew her situation and she knew that he knew, but he was still giving her the opportunity to save what was left of the Malfoy pride by offering her a reason as to why she hadn't been seen over the last three years. "Now you know that's not true, Harry. There's not much call in society for the wives of Death Eaters these days.

Harry flushed under the hard truth of her words, he felt sorry for her but he couldn't admit that out loud, he couldn't make Narcissa feel worse than she already did.

"What about your life, Harry? What exciting happenings are going on for you?" She wondered tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

The wave of pity for Narcissa came again and Harry desperately wanted to do something to help the woman who had helped him. Without really stopping to think about it Harry offered, "Why don't we have dinner tonight and catch up?"

"Diner?" Narcissa echoed staring at him blankly, "Yes, that would be nice."

He smiled, at least she had over looked his "catch up" comment; they had never talked before let alone have anything to "catch up" on. But Harry was willing to take her out, in a way he felt as if he owed her; it wasn't Narcissa's fault her husband was who he was and that she had a prize prat for a son was it? "I'll swing by the Manor at about seven?"

Narcissa nodded. "Yes alright, Harry. I'll see you then. Bye."

"See you later." He nodded at her taking a step back to allow her to apperate.

XxXX

Narcissa was laughing, a deep carefree laugh that caused her eyes to sparkle and her head to tilt back with mirth exposing the smooth line of her throat where diamonds flashed and winked in the light.

Harry grinned at the beautiful picture she made, of how free and happy she looked when she laughed to how she had looked this morning. He had almost cancelled going out tonight, when he was back in his house, back in reality he had wondered what the hell he was doing. He had invited Narcissa Malfoy out to dinner and Harry hadn't been sure he had done the right thing.

But after the initial shaky start and awkward conversation, all her old instincts had seemed to flow out of her and she carried the evening off very well. He hadn't been stuck for anything to say to her and Harry had found himself feeling even worse for her since he had the chance to sit down and listen to the sad and lonely story of her existence.

Harry had been forced to realise through the course of the evening that Narcissa hadn't been living for the past three years but barely existing by herself with no-one except house-elves for company. He had seen what his presence that evening had meant to her and he felt glad that he was able to ease the boredom of her days for a few hours.

She was still a strikingly beautiful woman and Harry had the feeling that even if she wasn't who she was, Narcissa Malfoy, she would still turn heads wherever she went. It was impossible not to stare at her, she was utterly mesmerizing. Harry found it impossible to look anywhere else but at her and he enjoyed what he was looking at.

"I think they want to kick us out," Harry whispered across the table to her when he caught the maître d' glaring ferociously at them. He checked his watch, almost midnight, he wondered vaguely where the time went? Harry answered his own question with Hermione's age old quote of "time always flies when you're having fun," and he was having fun. He had been laughing all night and he was incredibly relaxed now considering he had been so nervous beforehand about spending time in the company of a woman such as Narcissca.

"I suppose we had better move ourselves," she agreed smiling as he held the back of her chair for her to stand. Draping her wrap over her shoulders Narcissca left the restaurant with Harry breathing in the soft, balmy night air as they left the building.

"Side along apperation?" Harry suggested.

"Yes, good idea." Narcissa agreed quickly. She didn't want the night to end, she'd had such a lovely time with Harry, he had been so sweet and attentive all night and his presence at her side had kept any icy glares and snide comments from coming her way. Plus he was a huge boost to her flagging ego, to be seen out with a young and handsome man like Harry could only make her feel young and attractive again.

They arrived on the doorstep of Malfoy Manor with a loud pop, "You do that well."

"Thanks, it took a while to be able to apperate properly," Harry replied clearing his throat lightly.

"Wine, Harry?" Narcissa asked hopefully, she wasn't ready to let him go yet, she didn't want to end her bubbly night with entering the dim and silent Manor by herself; Narcissa wanted Harry's infectious good humour around her making her remember what it was like when she had a life of her own.

"Um, yeah sure, I guess one glass can't hurt can it?" Harry agreed following her into the large foyer. He distantly remembered the first and only time had been at the Manor, dragged there by Grayback with his face swollen up like a thousand bees had stung him. He had remembered how Draco had said he didn't know if it was him or not and he remembered Narcissa trying to drag her son out of harm's way during the fray that had ensued.

He followed her into the parlour and settled himself at one end of the sofa while Narcissa busied herself with pouring drinks. He knew why he was there, knew she didn't want to be on her own and he was comfortable with that, he was willing to hang around and continue the evening, he didn't really want to go home to a house that was empty except for Kreacher.

"Oh," Narcissa said suddenly as she handed him a glass. "Am I keeping you from someone?"

"No, don't worry about it, there's no-one," he replied dismissing her concern with a flick of his wrist. It was funny but he didn't hurt anymore when he thought about Ginny, they had been apart for over a year now and although there had been one or two other girls there hadn't been anyone special and he hadn't had such a good time with another girl like had with Narcissa.

"Difficult to believe," she commented sitting beside him and relaxing back into the cool leather sofa.

"Well what about you? It's hard to believe that you're alone." He retorted taking a gulp of his drink.

"Like I said before, there's not much call for wives of Death Eaters these days."

"There's always call for beautiful women," Harry told her firmly placing his glass on the table.

Narcissa gazed over at him with surprise. "Can someone like you find someone of my age beautiful?" she wondered vaguely.

"I've got eyes haven't I?"

She smiled softly at him. "It's nice to be called beautiful, every woman should be called beautiful at least once in her life."

"Seems to me that you would have been called that more than once in your life, Narcisa," Harry said truthfully, studying her flawless face and shimmering eyes.

"Thank you Harry. And thank you for tonight as well, I appreciate it."

Harry sighed inwardly wondering what the world was coming to when Narcissa Malfoy was thanking him in that soft and floating voice for taking her away from her home that had effectively become her prison for just a few hours. He wondered if her life would have been more bearable if she were locked in a cell next to her son in Azkaban?

Tilting her head back Narcissa sighed softly and smiled a gentle smile; her pale pink lips looking extremely inviting, she looked very alluring in the dim light of the candles and Harry, fuelled with courage from his alcohol consumption couldn't stop himself leaning over and pressing his lips lightly to hers.

Narcissa froze for a split second in complete astonishment, but she recovered quickly when Harry broke away from her. Her arms slid around his neck dragging him back towards her as her lips encouraged him to kiss her again.

When he did she kissed him back hungrily, her body rejoicing at the feel of another body pressed against hers. Narcissa's nerve endings tingled when Harry's palm ran up the smooth skin of her arm, having been starved for human contact for so long she couldn't get close enough to Harry, couldn't possibly kiss him passionately enough and feelings stirred within her body she had thought would forever be dormant.

Harry's touch, Harry's lips, Harry himself made her feel like a woman again. He brought out a passionate flame of desire that she had thought had long been extinguished. She moaned faintly when his lips left hers to press to the sensitive spot just behind her ear. She felt her skin heat up, felt her heart begin to race madly in her chest and unbelievable, nameless feelings swirled though her as she became alive again.

As Harry's tongue dipped lazily into the hollow at the base of her throat the natural taste of her skin sweeping his mouth, he hoped she wouldn't kick him out tonight but let him stay with her.

His hands drew smooth, unhurried lines over her body and Narcissa wondered if she could float right up to Heaven on the intense feelings of pleasure she was experiencing already.

She gasped with delight when Harry's mouth left her throat and inched its way further down her body. It was in that split second that Narcissa realised that Heaven's not a place where you go when you die. It's that moment in life where you actually feel alive.

Sliding her fingers through the messy tangle of his soft black hair Narcissa brought Harry's face up to hers, looking him straight in the eye she whispered, "Stay."

Harry smiled easily at her leaning in closer to capture her lips in another fiery kiss as she moaned faintly into his mouth.

Neither had ever really thought to see the day that Harry Potter was making Narcissa Malfoy feel alive again for the first time in three years.


End file.
